You Only Live Twice
by Rae F. Scott
Summary: UPDATED ! Chapter 6 "My Immortal" now up! Can Finnley handle the loss of her whole reality and especially Charlie Kawalsky's death ?
1. There's No Place Like Home

Title: You Only Live Twice

Author: Rae F. Scott

Rating: PG-13

Timeline: Season 1/3/4; "Children Of The Gods", "The Enemy Within", "There But For The Grace Of God", "Point Of View", "Divide And Conquer"

Genre: AU/Character Death, R, D, Ad, Angst

Summary: Young Finnley J. Carter's reality has been assumed by the Goa´uld. She escapes through the quantum mirror to get help from our universe. But will she and her SG-team make it to another reality ? Is that even possible ? What about Kawalsky who seems to be pretty close to Sam's AU sister ? And how does the stoy continue after Finnley started a new life in our universe ? As a full member of SG-1 and an AF lieutenant, she makes a confusing journey back in time to meet an old friend...

A/N: Two years ago I wrote this story in German because my English wasn't good enough I think.. Now I got crazy about the idea to have Kawalsky playing a special role in it since I've met Jay Acovone, and so I had to change the story line a bit. Moreover, I added some chapters that did not exist before.

If there are any grammar or spelling mistakes in the story - I'm sorry, I'm just trying to put something down in English here...

In the second chapter, there are the alternate versions of Sam and Jack appearing. To avoid any confusion, I named them O'Neill and Samantha, our versions of them are named Sam and Jack.

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG-1 or any of these characters, nor do I owe the songs used in this fanfiction.

_**Chapter One: **_

_**There's No Place Like Home**_

She crouched in the corner of a small room, somewhere on the lower levels of the Stargate center. This must have been the place where they collected all the alien technologies and the stuff from these many different planets.

Sweat was dripping off her forehead. It has not been five minutes since she had been able to escape from the two jaffa who had caught her. She had been running across the Stargate center, searching for any safe place. But after a while, she had had to realize, that there was no safe place in a world which had just been assumed by the Goa´uld. The dark room she was sitting in gave her the chance to get a little rest. She was sitting behind the door, leaning against the cold wall and thinking about where to hide next, how to defend herself and in the first place how to save the rest of SG-1. This world was through, no doubt. But still she wanted to save her friends. Maybe to another planet, somewhere the Goa´uld have never been. The Stargate. How she wished to go through right in that moment. It was such a beautiful but yet so deadly creation. But still, she loved it. The silvery-grey ring with the smooth liquid surface. Whenever she stepped through, she felt like flying.

Freedom. Zero gravity. Cold. Endless. Weightless.

She breathed heavily. A sudden attack of tiredness came over her when she took a look around the room. And then she discovered that it was also full of weapon technology, for example zat guns and staff weapons. But there was something else. It was dark and at first she could not see what it was. But when she approached the object, she was able to recognise the outlines of the quantum mirror. The mirror that was able to take her to any possible alternate reality. That would be her chance. Her only chance to get out of here. Her strained eyes searched the darkness for the dialling device. But when she finally held it in her trembling hands, she heard the heavy steps of two jaffa coming closer and closer. There was no more time to think. She activated the mirror and seeked a reality which seemed to be peaceful or at least not controlled by the Goa´uld, as suddenly the door opened and the two jaffa were standing behind her. She turned around quickly and pointed a zat gun towards her enemies.

"Na'noweia si'taia ! Rin'tel'noc !" she shouted. Her knowledge of Goa´uld language was limited but it still was enough to irritate the jaffa and to use this moment of confusion to shoot them.

Afterwards she turned to the mirror again, touched it and without even realizing the journey, she found herself being in an alternate reality. She turned off the dialling device so no one could follow her although she knew it was a risk because it could take hours, even days to find her reality again. That was what Daniel had told her once. But she had to do it.

She looked around. The room looked exactly the same as the one she had just left. She quietly sneaked to the door, trying to hear any signs of Goa´uld being in this reality. But there was nothing so she had to take it that this world was safe. After hiding the dialling device and leaving her zat gun behind, she slowly opened the heavy door made of steel.

"Damn ! I did it !" she told herself with a breath of relief as two officers realized the young woman walking through the corridor.

Just a second later, she found herself standing in front of the officers who were pointing their guns at her.

"Hey, Miss, who are you ? And how did you get into this facility ?" one of the officers asked her with a tough voice.

"Don't shoot ! I'm unarmed and I'm not an enemy, I'm human. The mirror... I came through the quantum mirror." she tried to explain. Suddenly, one of them looked at her clothes and put on a confused look.

"Wades ?" he murmured letting down his weapon.

"Darren, what are ya doin' ?" Wades answered, still pointing his gun at her.

"She's wearing an SG uniform..." Darren mentioned.

"Please identify, Miss !" Wades ordered, walking over to her.

"Carter, Finnley Jade... SG-1, Sir. And now, take me to General Hammond, please."

--------

"Alright, I think that's it for the moment. Dismissed." Hammond closed the meeting. Jack got up and stretched himself with enjoyment.

"Finally ! Holiday ! And I deserve it, definitely. I really start thinkin' that my hair's gettin' even greyer than it already is..." he murmured grinning. But just as he wanted to leave the room, Sergeant Darren entered, looking nervous.

"General Hammond, I think there is something you should see... as well as SG-1." he explained while looking at the general first, then at the others. Jack did not like this.

"Oh for cryin' out loud, are you sure this can't wait until... later ??? Maybe next week or so ?" Jack asked grumpy. But Darren seemed to be serious.

"No, definitely not, Sir !" he answered.

"Alright, so what's wrong ?" the general finally gave way.

"In your office, Sir... Follow me." the young officer returned and left the room, General Hammond and SG-1 following him.

A young woman was waiting for him, not older than 19. Long, black hair, small and slight. Her clothes were dirty, blood was dripping out of a wound on her forehead. On her left shoulder, her T-shirt was torn up so you could see another gaping wound.

"Who is this, sergeant ?" Hammond asked a bit surprised.

"Well, Sir, she says her name's Finnley Carter... and... she claims to be a member of your team, Colonel O'Neill." Darren explained the situation.

"She does ?" Jack was wondering. Darren nodded.

"She told us something about... coming through a mirror." the sergeant went on.

"The quantum mirror ?" Sam questioned.

"Yes, I think that's what she said." Darren confirmed.

---------

She got up from her chair when General Hammond entered his office to show him respect. She wanted to make a good impression although she was hurt bad, did not look very good and felt tired and weak.

"Please sit down, Miss." Hammond ordered before he sat down himself.

"Thank you for... listening to me, General Hammond, Sir." Finnley said with a shy voice.

"Not at all, Miss. But let's get to the point. What is your name, where do you come from and how did you get into this facility ?" he wanted to know.

"Alright, here I go again: My name's Finnley Jade Carter and I'm a member of the SG-1 team - at least in my reality." she tried to explain.

"What do you mean by your reality ?" Hammond inquired. Finnley took a deep breath. She knew that this was the general's job and that he had to ask her all of this but it was tiring her out. She hardly could keep her eyes open.

"I'm coming from an alternate reality which has just been assumed by the Goa´uld. They had caught me but I was able to escape. I... I don't remember that much... I only remember... running... hiding... then I found the mirror. I thought this could be a way out of there." Hammond nodded.

"How old are you, Miss Carter ?" he asked.

"19, Sir."

"Aren't you a little bit too young to be an AF officer ?"

"I'm actually no Air Force officer. But a year ago, my father and my brother had died in a plane crash. I'd had no one but Sam. And it had been her idea... I mean... me being part of this... whole thing. You gotta know they think I'm kinda... genius. OK, I speak some ancient languages, including Goa´uld and... Sometimes I can help Daniel with his translations or Sam with her researches... I learned a lot about weapons and alien technologies and I learned how to fight..." she told him and pushed her dark hair back from her face.

"How are you related to Samantha Carter ?" Hammond went on asking her questions.

"She's my sister."

"And Jack O'Neill ?"

"Well, they're married."

Hammond swallowed. Although this had happened two times before, it was always a bit surprising him to hear that Jack and Sam were married - again.

"Alright, Miss Carter. I don't think that there's any reason why you shouldn't tell us the truth. But I hope you understand that I had to ask you about all these things." Finnley nodded.

"Um... General.... I take it I'm not existing in this universe..."

"No, you're not. I'm sorry."

"Oh, no. it's OK, you don't have to be sorry. I mean, it's good if there's no Finnley existing here...

That means I can stay here longer than 48 hours without dying." she returned, trying to smile.

"However, I'm gonna talk to my superiors about your stay here. In the meantime, you should get your wounds dressed by Dr. Fraiser."

"Yes, Sir." she said nodding and left the office.

She closed the door behind her and was about to be brought to the infirmary by Sergeant Darren, when she suddenly took a look to the right and stopped. She swallowed.

"Um... Sergeant... Just... give it a minute..." she murmured staring at these people who should actually know her very well. She was almost paralysed, not able to move or to say anything.

"Hey, you OK ?" Jack interrupted the silence.

"What ? Um... yeah... it's just... Hi, Sam, Jack... Daniel, Teal'c..." she stuttered.

"And... you are ?" Jack inquired with sarcasm dripping off his voice.

"Finn... Finnley Carter," she answered with a moment of hesitation, "I'm sorry, I just forgot that you actually don't know me. Nice... hair colour... Jack... it's... grey... It's totally you... " she said and now she really had to behave. It was funny to see him with the grey hair. In her reality, it was still dark brown and her Jack somehow looked younger.

"Yeah, it's grey... Cos I get too few holidays cos you just arrived, ya know ?!" he returned grumpy.

"Um... should we know you then ?" Sam asked confused while looking at Jack and Finnley alternately.

"We're sisters where I come from. You two... you are my family." she said swallowing again.

"Carter ? Did I miss anything, huh ?!" Jack asked sarcastically.

"I have no idea, Sir..." Sam answered.

"Oh really..." Finnley and Jack murmured simultaneously. Then she saw Teal'c standing behind Daniel. Memories crossed her mind. Sad ones. He was dead. Actually. But here, he lived. Her eyes lit up and she put on a broad smile.

"Teal'c !" She walked over to him and gave him a warm hug as if she had not seen him in years. He raised an eyebrow and took a look at Jack who could not hide signs of laughter.

"So good to see you ! They killed you, they killed you and I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you. I couldn't do anything, I'm so sorry !" she sobbed, almost panic-stricken.

"I cannot remember being killed." Teal'c said quite irritated and Finnley took a few steps back.

"Um... yeah... sorry. I already forgot again..." she apologised.

"Let me guess... quantum mirror ?" Daniel interfered. Finnley nodded.

"God bless you Daniel ! If you hadn't found that thing on P3X233, I'd still be caught in a world which is controlled by the Goa´uld."

"Alright, this is... the alternate... universe... whatever thing, right ?" Jack supposed.

"Yeah, well, that sounds logical to me." Sam confirmed while Finnley wiped away the blood which was still dripping out of the wound on her head.

"I see." Teal'c added.

"You should go and see Doc Fraiser. Your injuries look... horrible. And don't take this too personal but... you look like crap. Maybe ya should get some rest, too." Jack mentioned.

"Um... yeah. I actually feel like crap. Haven't slept since... two days I think." Finnley's voice sounded tired and none of them could imagine what she had gone through.

"Sergeant, would you please take her to the infirmary." Jack ordered.

"Yes, Sir."

--------

"Looks bad." Janet Fraiser said while taking a look at Finnley's injuries.

"Nah, it's not that bad. Could be worse. One of these snakeheads brushed me with his damn staff weapon when I was on the run. I was lucky." she told Janet who was looking at her with amazement.

There was this smart girl looking so much like Sam, but talking like Jack. That was confusing but somehow funny, too.

"Well, it's gonna heal, though. But I'm still wondering how you could get so far with that injury." Fraiser mentioned.

"Well, I didn't say it was pure fun, Doc. I bumped into some jaffa all the time, searching for a place to hide," Finnley explained, "and don't think this wouldn't hurt... It does. I just kept my mouth shut. I'm not a ´lil kid anymore. ... But... Ya know what ? I'm here right now, am I ? I made it... somehow..." she added yawning. Janet nodded.

"I think you should stay here for a couple of days until your wounds are healed over. And you obviously need some rest. Get some sleep." Fraiser finally said.

There was so much Finnley had to think about. How to save her world, her friends, her family. But all of this became unimportant. She was too tired to think about anything. She did not even realize that she fell asleep.

---------

"I spoke to the president and he thinks she deserves a chance and that she should be allowed to stay here. I believe she told us the truth, too. I can't find any other explanation for her turning up here than the quantum mirror. I do not doubt that. By the way, Dr. Fraiser just confirmed, that she is human and the DNA tests prove that she must be a close relative of Major Carter. And as there is no Finnley Carter existing in this reality, her life isn't in danger here." General Hammond told SG-1 the odds.

"Um, Sir, I guess she'll be... in the team, right ?" Jack inquired.

"We're not sure about that yet. We don't know much from her and we don't know if she'd be an advantage for SG-1." Hammond answered.

"But wasn't she a member of the team in her reality ?" Sam mentioned.

"Yeah, and with all due respect, Sir, she survived this whole Goa'uld-invasion-thing. She's just a girl but obviously she seems to be familiar with weapons and she was able to escape from an invaded SGC - on her own. If you'd ask me, she'll become a member of my team." Jack added.

"If she's up to the demands, she'll be in the team. That's basically it for the moment. The meeting is closed, dismissed."

---------

Jack left the room together with Sam. Both of them seemed to be confused because something completely new was coming up to them. A person they did not know but who knew them very well. That was strange.

"Uhm, Carter ? Ya think we should go and look after her ? I mean... ya know..." Jack asked nervously.

"Sure. Maybe she needs something... familiar... Her family..." Sam said nodding.

"My God ! Two Carters under my command... That means we're the smartest team on earth... and every other planet." he joked when they were entering Finnley's room. Sam had to smile. This girl really reminded her of herself when she had been younger.

"Hey... Finnley... how ya doin' ?" she wanted to know.

"Well... I'm OK. Just a little tired. But it feels weird... I mean to be here. To see you all again." she returned.

"Yep. And you'll be glad to hear that you can stay here." Jack added grinning.

"Here at the Stargate Center ?" Finnley inquired.

"Yep." Jack confirmed but Finnley only smiled slightly and stared into nothing. She was somewhere else with her thoughts.

"What ? Don't wanna stay here with us, do you ?" Jack shook Finnley out of her thoughts.

"Huh ? Oh... no... don't get me wrong, I believe you it would be fun staying here and... well, maybe... live." she returned frantically.

"Yeah, I see you're freakin' out..." Jack murmured back.

"Excuse me, but my family and friends are still out there, "she interrupted him, "and I actually didn't come here to stay, I came here to get some help and because these damn snakies were after me. There was no other way out. I didn't have any choice. You misunderstood me if you think I was seeking asylum. I cannot let them die as long as there's a chance to save 'em. I won't allow the Goa´uld to destroy my world, so I have to go back."

"You wanna go back to... where ? Your reality ?" Sam inquired kind of shocked. Finnley nodded.

They could see it in her eyes: She was serious about that - about saving the people that she loved. But then Sam shook her head.

"Um... Finnley, I don't think this is possible. You say the Goa´uld assumed your world or at least the Cheyenne Mountain Complex. OK, maybe O'Neill and Carter are still alive but that'd mean we couldn't join you and by the way... I don't think that General Hammond will permit this..." she added.

"Alright... It seems you don't take me for serious, do you ? First of all... If you don't want to, you don't have to join me. But I need something like... medication because my Daniel is hurt pretty bad and we need something to ease his pain. Weapons would be a nice thing to have and perhaps some food. Secondly, it's not Hammond's family dying out there, nor is it his reality or his life we're talkin' about, right ?" this was a rhetorical question.

"But..." Sam started but she was quickly interrupted by Finnley again.

"No Sam, dammit ! it's none of his fuckin' business, for cryin' out loud !"

Silence filled the room and they were staring at each other for a short while. Then, Finnley took a deep breath.

"Look, you got nothin' to lose, but I have. What would you do in my place ? And... anyways... I don't really belong here... I mean, you don't even know me... And even if this is very close to my reality... There's no place like home, right ?" she tried to convince them. Jack looked at her for a second and nodded.

"Good point..."

---------

They had just left Finnley's room and obviously, Jack was on the way to Hammond. He wanted to do this. Saving her reality. Sam followed him.

"Sir ?" she shouted. He turned around and was now face to face with her.

"Carter ?"

"With all due respect, Sir, but you won't let her go, will you ?" she asked worried. Jack took a deep breath.

"As she said, it's not my decision. Nor is it yours or Hammond's. It is her life, they're her people, God, Carter, her family ! D'you really expect her to leave them behind ? Probably dying in a world full of Goa´uld ? She is... how old ? 19 ? She needs her family. Her friends. Her... godforsaken reality. For some reason, I like that girl, and I won't let her down." he tried to make her see the situation from a different point of view.

"She can't do it on her own, can she ?" Sam remarked. Jack shook his head.

"I don't think so. It worked once but she's hurt. And she's just one girl against an army of jaffa. So... what about a nice adventure trip to an alternate universe. Save flight with quantum mirror airlines...?" he joked. Sam nodded.

"Alright... let's go and get the damn permission..."


	2. Me, You And Yourself

_**Chapter Two:**_

_**Me, You and Yourself**_

The four of them were sitting in the briefing room, waiting for General Hammond. Jack had asked for permission to take SG-1 to Finnley's reality in order to save her team.

"D'you really think we should do this, Jack ?" Daniel asked.

"Yep." Jack returned shortly.

"We will only have 48 hours for this mission." Teal'c remarked.

"I know, Teal'c. But what the hell's the problem ? We go there, we bring 'em here, we search for a reality they can all exist in and we all live happy forever."

"Sir, the problem is: Will we find a reality where all of them can go ? I mean, all of us have to be dead in that reality. Maybe we should rather think about a way to defeat the Goa´uld in Finnley's world." Sam mentioned.

"Teal'c, you know these guys best, don't you have any idea ?" she added.

"I do not know the circumstances. Nor do I know how powerful this Apophis is. But there could be a slight chance to save that world if we defeat the leader. It could be possible that the Goa´uld give up if we only destroy Apophis himself."

"Kill the king and you get 'em all... Interesting..." Jack murmured. Right in that moment, Hammond entered the briefing room.

"As you were, people." he said, taking a seat.

"Alright, just to get that straight... Do you know what you're expecting from me, Jack ?" he asked.

"Let me see... I want permission to go to another... alternate reality - which has been assumed by the snakies and which is now controlled by them - to save Finn's... Finnley Carter's unit. Yes Sir, I think know really well what I'm expecting from you." Jack answered. Hammond looked at him and he could see it in his eyes that he was serious.

"Alright, you get the permission. But if anything goes wrong, you'll take the responsibility, Colonel O'Neill." he finally decided.

---------

They were standing around the quantum mirror: SG-1, Hammond and Finnley. Armed and equipped with medication and groceries.

"Um... Finnley ?" Jack suddenly asked.

"Huh ?" she replied.

"Question: How do we recognize your reality ?" he went on.

"Oh, don't worry about that, Jack. I left myself a message behind. A writing on the wall."

"Alright, I'm gonna activate the mirror now. Are you ready ?" Daniel informed the others.

They responded to his question with a nod and Daniel activated the dialling device. They had a look at several realities but Finnley shook her head.

"Nope. No... Um... No..." she repeated whenever she saw the different versions of the parallel universes in the mirror. But suddenly something caught her attention.

"Hey ! Wait ! There it is... the writing. _You only live twice_... that's what I wrote on the wall. This should be the universe I'm actually comin' from."

"Great. We have a winner, "Jack mentioned, "ready ? Three... two... one..."

Just a few seconds later, they found themselves being in Finnley's reality. The small, dark room she had hidden in. Nothing had changed since she had left.

"OK, they haven't found the mirror yet." Finnley remarked.

"Good for us, right ?" Daniel inquired. Finnley answered with a slight smile.

"Alright, guys. Carter and me, we'll go with Finnley. Daniel and Teal'c, you should guard that mirror. Donut turn it off if it's not necessary. We wanna find our way home again. Understood ?" Jack gave his orders.

"I understand, Colonel O'Neill." Teal'c confirmed.

"OK, so here we go. Show us the way, Finnley !"

---------

Finnley and Sam were standing on the right behind the door, waiting for a sign from Jack. He had a careful look at the corridor, but could not see any guards there so he gave the sign. They sneaked through the labyrinth of corridors, now following Finnley who led them to the elevator.

"Get in there, c'mon !" she whispered.

"Um... Where are we goin' ?" Sam wanted to know.

"Yes, where are we... they... whoever ?" Jack added.

"We have a kind of... security level , two floors below. A more or less nice place to hide from the Goa´uld." the girl replied.

Jack nodded. After they had entered the elevator, Finnley dialled a special code, the doors closed and they moved downstairs. There was nothing but silence for a while. She watched Sam and Jack and could see, how uncomfortable the situation was for them.

"You two act so strange." she suddenly remarked grinning. They stared at her in surprise and at first they really did not seem to know what her point was.

"What ? Oh, please, c'mon, you know what I'm talkin' about. I know you guys, remember ?" she said jokingly.

"I'm sorry, what was your point again ?" Sam questioned.

"I bet you've seen more than one alternate reality."

"Um... this is meant to be the third one. Daniel experienced one in 1997 and two years later, the alternate versions of Carter and Kawalsky visited us and we saved their world." Jack replied, still not knowing what this strange conversation was all about.

"And... what were the differences between your reality and all the others ?" Finn went on asking.

"Um... well... All of these worlds had been assumed by the Goa´uld. Daniel wasn't part of the SGC, in this reality, you're existing as Carter's sister and I think Carter and I used to be married or... engaged... or stuff like that." Jack told her, now suspecting what the meaning of this whole thing was.

"Yeah... well... any more questions ?" Finnley grinned.

"Um... Finnley... it's not what you're thinkin', OK ? I mean... some things are different in our reality." Sam tried to explain.

"Yep, I know, but it's very close."

"Carter is in the Air Force in our world."

"So is my sister. Doesn't matter. D'you really believe that they'd court-martial you ? For cryin' out loud, you saved the world a thousand times, your Mr. President owes you something... " Finnley replied as the elevator suddenly stopped and the doors opened.

"Hey, we're arrived." Jack distracted from the topic.

"Looks like the Goa´uld really haven't found out about this level." Sam mentioned.

"Apparently not." Finnley added and stepped out of the elevator.

Again, they went through an endless corridor until Finnley stopped in front of a heavy gate made of steel. She pulled out a key to unlock and finally open it. They slowly entered a kind of hall, filled with beds, a dim light and cold.

"Don't move !" a familiar voice ordered them.

"Hey, don't shoot ! it's just me ! Finnley !" she maintained. Samantha looked at her sister disbelievingly.

"Finnley ? Is that really you ?" she asked and Finnley nodded. She walked over to them, straight into their arms.

"You two OK ?" she wanted to know.

"Yeah, we're alright... But Daniel... it doesn't look good to be honest with you. He needs a doctor and medication. And if it is only to ease his pain." Samantha reported.

"Well... I don't have a doctor, but I can help out with medication... and..." Finnley said and right in that moment, Samantha and O'Neill saw Jack and Sam standing behind Finnley. Silence.

"What the hell..." a stunned O'Neill murmured quietly.

"Um... they're from an alternate reality. I... I went through that quantum mirror to get help from anywhere and I found them." the girl explained.

Jack and O'Neill were staring at each other, as well as Sam and Samantha. While the two Sams seemed to be totally amazed by meeting one another, Jack and O'Neill looked kind of shocked.

"Oh for cryin' out loud..." they said, both at the same time, with the same voice. Finnley watched the scene for a while, then she interrupted the silence.

"Um... well... Major Sam Carter, Colonel Jack O'Neill - Colonel Jack and Major Sam O'Neill. You probably know each other... or not... whatever." she introduced them to each other.

"Well... sort of... I think..." Samantha returned.

"Dammit, your hair is so... grey... !" O'Neill said, still staring at Jack.

"Got a problem with my hair ? OK, it's grey... Maybe that means... uhm... than I work much harder than you do, that I'm wiser and smarter than you are. Of course, there must be a reason why my reality is not taken over by the big bad Apophis !" Jack started arguing. Right when O'Neill wanted to answer, they heard Finnley shouting at them.

"Hey ! Oh, bloody hell ! D'ya really think this is the right time to solve your damn ego problems and discuss hair colours !?" Jack and O'Neill knew that she was totally right. They looked at each other again, ashamed, and apologised.

"As I can see, your Daniel is wounded. Maybe we should... have a look at that... Major Carter." Sam remarked, looking at Samantha, who answered with a nod.

O'Neill and Jack watched the two Sams walking over to Daniel, who was lying in one of the six beds.

"Any more injured ?" Jack wanted to know.

"Um, no... unfortunately, we were the only ones who made it down here. All of the others might be... dead. Teal'c was punished to death. He sacrificed himself to make sure that we get down here. I'll never forget that." O'Neill told him.

"Oh... I'm... sorry..."

"No. don't. it's not your fault. Unless you're one of these damn snake heads." O'Neill said when he realized, that Finnley seemed to be kind of confused and nervous. She was looking around, searching for something... or someone, but obviously could not find it.

"Hey, you alright ? What's wrong ?" he asked her.

"I'm just... I ... Where... where is Charlie ?" she stuttered, close to tears. As if he had heard her saying his name, the door opened and a man entered the hall.

It was someone they all knew very well, someone Jack had never expected to be here. A friend. A memory. And as if that had not been enough for the moment, Finnley ran over to him, straight into his arms. They held each other tight, as if they would never let go again, as if they had not seen each other in years. Jack was staring at them, his mouth open, shocked - again.

"My God, Charlie ! you're still here !" she sobbed, smiling and crying at the same time. Charlie looked at her and pushed her hair back from her face to wipe away the tears.

"Hey, Finn, what's wrong ? Why're ya cryin' ?" he whispered, smiling at her.

"You... you weren't here when I came back and... I was worried and..." she returned swallowing.

"Shhh !" he tried to reassure her, "don't cry, Finn. I'm here. it's alright. I just had a look around. There's nothin' to worry about."

"So... Jack... you're here to help us ?" O'Neill shook the alternate version of himself out of his thoughts about what was just happening between Finnley and Charlie Kawalsky.

"Huh ? Oh, well.. Um... well, yes, I think that's what we're here for..." Jack confirmed.

"Hm... and I think the two of us have to talk about several things... C'mon." O'Neill added and pushed Jack to a quite corner.


	3. Decisions

_**Chapter Three:**_

_**Decisions**_

They were standing on the other side of the hall, far away enough from Finnley to talk freely.

"Listen, Jack. I hope it's clear to you that we won't find a reality where none of us is existing, unless it's also controlled by the Goa'uld. We know this because we've tried to find one months before Apophis came here." the alternate Jack explained.

"Yeah, I see." Jack returned.

"The only thing we can do is to save our world. It's to late for this facility or us, but not for earth. So we'll be heroes, right ?" O'Neill said, sarcasm dripping off his voice.

"But Finnley... she can live in your world. She doesn't exist where you come from, does she ?" he added.

"No she doesn't. But... does that mean you wanna... stay here ?"

"Well, I don't want to... But I don't see any other option. Which does not mean I'm gonna leave this world to the snakes, you know ?!"

"Yep, I get it. Teal'c said something like that, too. Kill the God , then you get all of them. But how the hell are ya gonna do this ? I mean, two levels above is a whole jaffa army and we're only nine people - if you count your Daniel, too. But I don't think he's gonna be a great help in fighting anyone..."

"We'll blow this thing up. The whole mountain, Apophis, the snakes and ourselves. Your team will leave of course. We'll stay." O'Neill said with a serious voice.

"And Finnley should go with us, right ?" Jack inquired.

"She's got a chance in your universe but if she stays here, she'll die." his alternate self replied nodding.

"I'll take care of her... You have my word. She's a nice girl... a geek... but nice." Jack smiled.

"And don't tell her about all of this. She mustn't know..."

"Don't worry, I'll keep my mouth shut."

"OK, thank you, man. This is really important for Sam and me... and Charlie." O'Neill said when he was about to return to the others. But Jack stopped him.

"Hey, wait a second."

"Huh ?" O'Neill turned around again and looked at Jack.

"What... what about Kawalsky ? Couldn't he join us, too ?" Jack questioned.

"Um... Don't you have a Charlie in your world ? I mean... you seem to know him..."

"Yeah, I do know him pretty good... but... well, he's gone. He died."

"I'm sorry."

"Thanks. But that's a long time ago... We're talkin' years here, so... Don't get me wrong, this is not because I want an alternate Kawalsky taking our Charlie's place but... He's got the same chance to survive as Finnley has. Shouldn't he get the same opportunity ?"

"You're right." O'Neill admitted.

"Moreover I get the impression that he's... very important to Finnley, isn't he ?" Jack asked while watching Charlie and Finnley talking and he was totally amazed by the way they cared about one another.

"Yeah, Charlie and Finnley... That's quite a story..." O'Neill remarked grinning.

"They seem to get along very well..." Jack added.

"Oh boy, you have absolutely no idea. This... this is even more than getting along . Never seen something like this before. Since day one, since they've met for the first time, they're like this... They have that... I dunno... connection or whatever. They're pretty close... No one but Charlie calls her Finn . Yeah, I'd say this is a deep, honest friendship, basing on confidence that - I believe - no one could ever tear apart. You may know that I normally don't use words like this and that I'm not superstitious or something... but believe me, these two are soul mates. One cannot breath without the other." O'Neill clarified the relationship between Charlie and Finnley.

"Ah... never known that Kawalsky was so... tender-hearted..."

"Maybe because you don't have a Finnley."

"Hmm... yeah... maybe... Jack ?"

"Huh ?"

"Just to get that straight... I take it you and... Samantha... you're a couple, well... engaged... or what was it ?" Jack asked sort of embarrassed and looked over to the two Samanthas.

"Married." O'Neill corrected him. Jack raised an eyebrow and nodded.

"Yeah, married, alright. Um... isn't that against the regulations, I mean..."

"Actually yes. It is against the regs. But, jeez, where the love falls, you know. I was so sick of lying to myself every single day. I told the general what was goin' on and that I'd retire from active duty. But you know Hammond, don't ya ? He was like a father for all of us. So he talked to the president. And considering the fact that we'd saved earth more than once, he had meant that he would owe us a favour. And here we are..." O'Neill told Jack with a slight smile on his lips.

"It was _that_ easy ?"

"Apparently. Jack, I know about your feelings for Sam..."

"You don't know anything..."

"Hey, we're actually the same person, remember ?"

"You got a point."

"You should do something before it's too late, ya know ? Life's to damn short to waste so much time in hoping, remaining silent, being afraid of things like love, ya know. No risk, no fun, Jack. That's the way it goes... In your place, I'd probably start with that grey hair..." O'Neill said sarcastically and put on an evil grin.

"Yep, maybe you're right... Not about the hair-thing. About the Sam-thing, just to get that straight. Cos I _like_ my hair... Uhm... I... I think I should send Daniel and Teal'c a radio message. We'll need them to kick Apophis' ass, right ?!"

---------

"OK, guys, this is the plan..." O'Neill carried out his idea.

"We're gonna blow the SGC up... Let's fill this whole facility with C-4 explosive, every level, I mean completely. Everything. We have to be a hundred percent sure that there's nothing left of the Cheyenne Mountain Complex. The number of victims on our side will be nearly zero cos most of the SGC personnel is already dead and we'll leave through the quantum mirror." he explained and glanced at Jack who understood and nodded.

"The explosion will be set off by time ignition. We'll meet at the quantum mirror in exactly two hours. Understood ?" O'Neill ordered. The others nodded.

"But, Colonel ? Where do we get so much C-4 ?" Sam wanted to know.

"Two corridors farther... We knew that a situation like this could happen... Immediate self-destruction would be the order..." O'Neill answered her question.

"Well, then I'm wondering why you didn't obey your orders." Jack mentioned.

"Finnley was still out there... And Charlie begged us not to do it until she'd have returned. He thought she could save us all. Right was he..." O'Neill said.

"Yeah... Whatever... Why don't we get the damn job done, we're running out of time, don't we ?" Jack mentioned impatiently.

"Yeah, you're right." O'Neill admitted.

"OK, Daniel and Teal'c you prepare sub level 20 to 24. As soon as you're ready, you search for our reality. Is that understood ?" Jack ordered.

"Yes, Colonel O'Neill." Teal'c said while Jack turned to Samantha and O'Neill.

"Carter and I, we're gonna crash sub levels 13 to 19." Jack looked at O'Neill again, then at Finnley and Charlie. Now he remembered what O'Neill had told him about the two of them and made a decision.

"As Well as Kawalsky." he added. O'Neill nodded. Jack wanted to make sure that Charlie would survive. For Finnley.

"So there's the embarkation room left. No problemo. Sam and I, we'll get it done." O'Neill grinned.

"Hey guys, what about me ? I mean..." Finnley asked a bit irritated.

"Um... Finnley, Sam and me, well, we think that you should stay here. I mean, this is far too dangerous and we don't wanna lose you, you know. By the way, someone should stay to take care of Daniel." O'Neill said quietly.

"And... Finnley... if something happens to us... you have to promise me something..." Samantha started speaking.

"No..."

"Yes, Finnley. You'll leave without us, is that clear ?" Samantha added.

"I could never leave you behind. You're my family..." she whispered swallowing. But Jack gripped her shoulders and looked at her in a sad but still serious way.

"Finnley, you gotta promise ! Promise me ! I'll make it an order if you don't !" Jack felt that his voice was about to break. He really had to control himself but it was not easy. There was his wife, his best friend and this girl who was like his own daughter to him. And he had to tell her that everything she had ever known would soon be gone forever.

"I'm not with the air force, Jack."

"But you're a member of my team and I'm your commanding officer. And you have to obey my orders." he yelled at her.

"OK... I promise... Sir." she answered whispering.

"Good girl." he replied and embraced her as if it was a goodbye.

And there was Samantha. Her sister. Since their parents' death, Finnley's and Samantha's relationship had become much closer and Finnley could not imagine losing her, too.

She finally turned to Charlie. There was no way to explain the feelings she had in this moment of goodbye. Charlie had become her closest friend during the past 15 months and she could not even think of being without him.

"C'mere." he said and Finnley walked straight into his arms.

"You make sure you return, Charlie..." she begged him and tried to look unafraid. But she should have known better. It was actually not even worth trying to hide her emotions and fears from Charlie. He knew her better than anyone else. He even knew her better than she knew herself. And right now, he felt that she was afraid of losing him.

"Yeah. Will do, Finn, will do. And after blowing up the snakes' asses, we're gonna have a big party, right ?" he smiled at her jokingly.

"Listen, when I'm ready to leave I'm gonna get ya here, OK ? So wait for me, don't go anywhere without me... Unless I shouldn't make it... Then you'll have to go and save you own ass." he ordered, holding her head in his hands. Now he wasn't funny anymore. He wasn't joking. He was totally serious. Although it almost killed her, Finnley nodded.

"OK." she returned shortly.

_To Be Continued..._


	4. Going Home

_**Chapter Four: **_

_**Going Home**_

"I take it you're only taking Finn with you, right ?" Charlie asked Jack while they were preparing the C-4.

"She's not existing in our universe. Yeah, she'll join us." Jack answered, not even looking at him.

"So... you know, she's my friend. And I want you to give her this... I mean... just in case that I don't see her again..." he said and wanted to give Jack his dogtags. Charlie's voice sounded sad and Jack could already feel what this girl meant to him. He still did not understand it but somehow he thought that it would be enough if Charlie and Finnley understood their strange friendship.

"No, Charlie. You will see her again. I promise. Cos you're comin' with us, too." Jack smiled and he enjoyed the way Charlie's face lit up.

"I am ? I mean... Am I ?"

"Yeah. Ya know, you died some years ago in our reality. And the other Jack told me about you and Finnley and whatever is goin' on between you two. Although I don't know what General Hammond thinks about it, I decided that you get a second chance. Besides, Finnley will lose everything. Her whole world cos there'll be no way back here. And from what I saw... You probably might be the only person who's able to ease her pain." Jack explained.

"Colonel... I don't know... You just cannot decide... I mean... what about the general ? Don't you think we need to tell him that Kawalsky... ?!" Sam looked at Jack kind of shocked. Of course she knew that he only wanted the best for Finnley. But she still did not feel very comfortable with this.

"Carter, whatcha think I should do ? Go home and ask him ? Sorry, that's not gonna work. And why shouldn't he come with us ? Kawalsky doesn't exist in our world. And dammit, now think about Finnley ! She'll be all alone... Listen, I talked to... Jack. And from what I know, Charlie's her closest friend on earth. He even said something about soul mates . C'mon, when I talk about such things and use words like soul mates in a serious way, I mean it. She needs Charlie, Carter !"

"Hammond will be pissed off..." Sam murmured.

"Yeah, he will. But I'm gettin' used to it..." Jack returned grinning.

---------

She was sitting next to Daniel's bed and held his hand. He looked like he was already dead, only his weak breath told her that he wasn't. Finnley knew that there was nothing she could do for him but being there. His wounds just did not stop bleeding.

"Daniel ? Daniel, you hear me ?" she whispered into his ear.

"Still here, Finnley, still here." he returned coughing and she could hardly understand him.

"Listen, Daniel, I think I need to change your bandage. You mustn't move, OK ?" she tried to sound calm although her thoughts were with Jack, Sam and Charlie who were out there to save the world. And all of them could be dead. Daniel nodded weakly.

"You're very brave, little Finnley." Daniel gasped. The staff weapon's shot hurt him pretty bad internally so he coughed blood every time he tried to say something.

"Hey, don't speak. You're still too weak." Finnley answered while taking off the bloody bandage from Daniel's breast. For a short moment she stared at the gaping wound then she began to dress it again. It looked horrible. A mixture of burned flesh and blood had sentenced Daniel to death.

In that moment, she realized that he would die, no matter what she did. There was no hope left for him, she could see it in his half opened eyes that reflected sorrow and pain. Lost in the look of her dying friend, she suddenly felt his hand grabbing hers.

"It's OK, Finnley. I'm alright." he whispered.

"I'm sorry." she cried desperately because there was nothing more that she could do for him.

"I'm dying. I feel it." Finnley nodded. It hurt her deeply that she could not tell him the opposite.

"Yes, you are..."

"But... I'm... not afraid. You know... I believe that death brings all universes together. And we're all one in death. And I'll be with Sha're again. So... you see... you don't have to worry about... me. Cos there's somebody waitin' for me... on the other side..." he said smiling.

Suddenly, there was no more pain. He looked at Finnley one last time, smiled and stopped breathing. She knew he was dead. Now there was this lifeless body lying there and for the first time, Finnley did not know what to do. She, Finnley, the genius who spoke ancient languages fluently, who was familiar with quantum physics, who went through the Stargate so many times, who knew how to fight and how to use an M 16. She, who helped saving the world and who always had a solution for any kind of problem, did not know what to do. She was in shock. Mouth open, shaking, whimpering and crying silently she got up and walked through the hall. From corner to corner, form wall to wall. But there was no place to hide. Daniel's body was still lying there and she could see it from any corner of the hall.

"Oh God !" she screamed, hoping that Charlie would return soon to take her away from here. For a second, she lost balance and fell onto the ground. But she did not care. She stayed like this, lying on the floor, still crying, down with her nerves, driven crazy.

"Charlie..."

---------

"Ready, Teal'c ?" Daniel asked.

"Yes, Daniel Jackson." the jaffa answered shortly.

"Alright, just give me two more seconds and I'm done with this, too."

When Daniel was finished, he got up and looked at Teal'c as he suddenly realized that they were not alone anymore. And Teal'c also knew that something was wrong.

"Teal'c ! Behind you !" Daniel shouted but Teal'c had already felt the jaffas' presence, and before one of them was able to attack the two SG-1 members, Teal'c had killed them with a couple of very precise shots from his staff weapon.

"Thanks, Teal'c. Without you, I'd be dead now... probably..."

"Not at all, Daniel Jackson." Teal'c replied.

"OK... I think we're done here... Let's get back to the mirror." Daniel said.

"We have to be careful, Daniel Jackson. Apophis knows that we are here. Those jaffa were sent to attack us. Now we are no longer invisible. We have to hurry up." Teal'c informed his friend.

"Well... one more reason to go home, right ?"

"Indeed, Daniel Jackson."

---------

"How far are we, Carter ?" Jack asked Sam who was preparing another C-4 package.

"Well, this is the last one, Colonel. If our plan works out, Daniel and Teal'c should be on their way home and the... O'Neills..."

"...should be having Apophis' balls right now, huh ?" Charlie finished the sentence. Jack grinned nodding.

"Yeah, right. So.. we're ready to leave ?" he wanted to know.

"Yes, Sir." Sam replied while starting the countdown.

"Alright, so we have another 15 minutes."

"_Jack ? Jack, it's Daniel ! D'you hear me ?" _he heard Daniel's voice crackling on the radio.

"Yep, Danny, what's up ?" Jack answered.

"_We're done. We just found our reality again and we leave now." _Daniel said.

"OK, Daniel. Understood. Listen, we just started the countdown. Carter will be there in a few minutes. Kawalsky and me, we'll get Finnley from the security level. 15 minutes, Daniel. If we don't make it in 15 minutes, you'll shut down the mirror, is that clear ?" Jack ordered.

"_Yes, understood. Over." _Daniel answered.

"Alright, guys, let's go !" Jack shouted but Sam looked at him shocked.

"Carter ? What's wrong with you ? C'mon, we don't have that much time left ! You heard what I just told Daniel. Go now and leave this godforsaken world !" he yelled at her but she just shook her head.

"No, Sir, I can't. I mean... I won't. You can't expect me to leave without... without..." Jack walked over to her and grabbed her shoulders.

"Sam, go ! This is an order !" he spoke to her quietly. He looked into her eyes and a stream of pictures was running through his head. And he remembered what the other Jack had told him. He could almost hear him say "Do something, Jack. Kiss her, embrace her, whatever. But do something !" And as these words echoed in his mind over and over again, he took her head in his hands and kissed her passionately.

Sam was surprised but she returned the kiss. Finnley had been right, she could not always run away from what she felt. And in a moment like this, when you think that you might lose the one that you truly love, you don't care about any regulations. As their kiss ended, Jack smiled at her.

"Don't worry, we'll make it ! And... I guess that girl was right..." he said.

"Jack's started the countdown. 13 minutes to go." O'Neill said and looked at his wife who was sitting next to him.

They were hiding in front of the embarkation room. Dead jaffa were lying all around them. Of course they had killed them. And now, Samantha and O'Neill were waiting for the right moment to surprise Apophis. Their bags were filled with C-4 and it would explode on their backs when the countdown was over.

"I think it's about time, love." Samantha whispered.

"Ya think ?" she nodded.

"OK... let's go !"

O'Neill opened the blast doors with his access card and the first thing he saw was a dozen of jaffa turning around and looking at them kind of confused. The next thing he saw was a dozen of staff weapons pointed at them and Apophis' angry face.

"You are O'Neill." Apophis remarked.

"Yeah. Cool, you still remember me after all those years. Think I made a big impression, didn't I ?" O'Neill answered with sarcasm dripping off his voice.

"I did not think that you were so stupid to come back. Now you will die !" Apophis said laughing.

"Hmmm... I actually thought we could have dinner... You, my wife and myself. How about that ? I mean... A couple of candles, colour on the walls, some nice romantic music... That would be nice, wouldn't it ?" O'Neill provoked him. Of course he only tried to gain some time. Apophis must not know that they were carrying a whole bag of C-4 with them.

---------

"Ya know, Charlie... I don't get this..." Jack started talking while they were sneaking through the SGC.

"What ?"

"You and..."

"Me and Finn ?" Charlie asked, slightly smiling. Jack nodded.

"We're friends. Good friends. And sometimes I believe that Finn is the only person on Earth who really understands me. And she cares about me, like no one else does. When she came here... I finally got someone to carte about, too." he tried to explain, pretty sure that Jack still did not get it. Knowing this, Charlie had to grin.

"I give up. Yeah, just laugh about me, just because I'm an idiot when it comes to feelings and emotions and friendships." Jack grumbled.

"Hey, c'mon mate, you just kissed Sam. Isn't that the beginning of..."

"Shut it, Charlie !"

Jack had missed talking to Charlie. The way they had made fun of each other, their conversations, everything. And right now, it was like he had never been away. Jack knew that this was not the Charlie he had once known. But he still enjoyed his company.

---------

Tears. Sorrow. Loneliness. Madness.

"C'mon, Charlie ! Where are you ? Where are you ? Where are you ? Please, please get me outta here ! A dead body, a dead body is in this room and I can't hide from it. I see it everywhere. Just... just take me somewhere else !" Finnley spoke to Charlie although she knew that she was all alone in the hall with Daniel's body.

The dim lights depressed her even more. Like a bird in a cage she searched for a way out but she had to wait for Charlie. She could not make it on her own, not again. Her shoulder hurt like hell, it felt like hundreds of stabs torturing her over and over again. It was freezing cold so Finnley could even see her own breath in the air. She slowly got up from the floor and took one of the blankets which were lying around. Still shivering with cold and fear, she sat down in a corner and kept on waiting.

"Charlie. Charlie..." she whispered. Once, twice... And suddenly, the doors opened.

Finnley took her gun and pointed it at the two figures that were walking over to her. She was not able to say who it way because her eyes were still filled with tears. And when they came closer and closer, she gave up. The gun was to heavy to hold in her trembling hand so it fell down and she just closed her eyes and accepted her fate.

"Finn ? Finn, you OK ?" a familiar voice brought her back to life again. She opened her eyes and saw Charlie's face in front of her, Jack standing behind him.

"C'mon, get up, we're goin' home !" he said with a calm voice that was like a cure for her. He took her hand so she could stand up. Still a bit shaky on her legs, she embraced him desperately.

"Hey, what's wrong with you ? What happened ?" Charlie asked, stroking across her dark hair.

"Daniel... Daniel is dead. And... I..." she stuttered.

"It's OK, Finn, it's not your fault. You did everything you could."

"How do you know ? You weren't here !"

"I know you." he returned shortly and smiled at her.

"Um... guys... I'm sorry to disturb you but... 7 minutes !" Jack interrupted them.

"He's right, we gotta go ! I bet your sister's already behind the mirror..." Charlie said and glanced at Jack.

Holding Finnley's hand, Charlie followed Jack through the corridors to the elevator.

Running against time. Tiredness. Exhausting. A horrible vision...


	5. My Last Breath

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG-1 or its characters. The song used in this fanfiction is written and performed by Evanescence.

_**Chapter Five:**_

_**My Last Breath**_

They were running. Two jaffa behind them. Some more steps to go. They ran through the corridor, breathing heavily, exhausted, listening to the sounds of their boots. All of this seemed to happen in slow motion, every step was weak.

Charlie was a few meters behind her, shouting at her, ordering her to keep on running and not to look back. She ran. She did not look back. Until his voice turned silent. A terrifying scream filled with pain and agony. It echoed in her head over and over again.

_Charlie._

She turned around and saw him falling down onto the ground, one more shot hitting him. Beaten down by his injuries, he was lying there, not moving, looking like someone dead.

"CHAAAAAAAARLIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE !" she screamed and caught the jaffas' attention.

Even before they were able to react, she drew her gun and started shooting them. She did not stop although they were already falling, they were dead.

_But they shot Charlie._ Her Charlie.

_Die ! Die you damn bastards ! I'll make you suffer ! You cannot kill Charlie without being killed yourself. Die ! Die ! Die ! I'll make sure you're really dead. You'll never open your glowing eyes again, sons of that bitch named Apophis. Die ! _

Her eyes, full of anger and hate, despair and fear. In this moment, she was an angel of revenge, she was the bullet that hit the jaffa.

"Finnley ! They're dead ! Stop it !" she heard Jack shouting at her. His voice was so far away although he was watching the whole scene from a few steps away.

Finnley dropped her guns slowly, staring to where the two jaffa had stood. Silence. She listened to her own breath, her own heartbeat. Until she heard Charlie coughing.

_Charlie._

She ran over to him. He was still lying there on his left side, hurt bad. Finnley knew that. The smell of his burned flesh and the coppery taste of blood were in the air. She placed herself beside him, looking at his face.

"Charlie ? Charlie, you OK ?" she asked with a trembling voice. He opened his eyes a little bit to see her.

_Finnley... Finn. Don't waste your time by watching me die. My friend... my soul mate... my beautiful angel. My beloved Finnley... _

So many thoughts were running through his mind. But there was nothing more important to him than Finnley being with him in this moment. She would be the last person he'll ever see. Her voice would be the last thing that he'll ever hear. And he wanted her to live...

"You... gotta go !" he whispered weakly.

"We'll go together. I'll get ya outta here. You gonna be alright, it's not that bad." she answered nervously.

"Don't gimme any crap, Finn... I'm hit. It don't look good. I know that cos it hurts like hell. I feel it..."

And then, Finnley saw that Charlie was lying in a pool of his own blood. She swallowed and restrained her sickness. Instead of breaking out in tears, she tried to smile.

"No, don't say anything like that ! You'll make it !"

"Don't lie to me... I won't... but you... You can still make it... So... leave... now !" he returned, losing his strength.

Finnley felt tears coming up in her eyes. This was her worst nightmare. Charlie meant the world to her. He had always been protecting her, he had been strong and invincible. That was her Charlie. And now he was lying there, shot twice by a staff weapon, dying. He coughed blood, must have been internally hurt.

She laid down next to him so she could look straight into his eyes. He was crying. She had never seen him crying before. Her face was close to his so she could feel his slow, warm breath on her skin. She reached out for his hand and held it tight in hers.

"I won't leave without you." she whispered.

"Yes, you will... You ... have to..." he gasped.

"I... I can't." Finnley could not hold back her tears anymore.

"Finnley, go ! That's... an order !"

"I'm a civilian. You can't gimme any orders." she said and tried to put a smile on.

"Then... I beg you... as a friend. Please, leave ! You deserve to live. You're too young to die, your time hasn't come yet." he answered.

"Oh God ! D'you know what you're expecting from me ? You're my friend. I cannot let you die here. I mean... how... how could I go on if...?" she sobbed.

"Dammit, Finn ! D'you know what you do to me if you won't leave ? I swear, I'd never find peace... You're my friend, too. And I could never forgive myself if you died tonight, just because of me. It'd be my fault, no one else's. Do you really want me to suffer from this forever ?!"

Finnley could feel that he was serious. He wanted her to go and to save her own life.

_Dammit, Charlie ! How can you dare doing this to me ? You're my closest friend on earth, my only friend. My soul mate. My love. My Charlie. And now you want me to leave you lying there ? You want me to leave you to death ?_

But it was his wish. And she could not refuse to do him this last favour.

"You're so precious to me, Charlie. I'll keep a part of you with me and treasure it. You're here...Inside my heart..." she sobbed.

_Hold on to me love_

_You know I can't stay long_

_All I wanted to say was _

_I love you and I'm not afraid_

_Can you hear me ?_

_Can you feel me in your arms ?_

"It was... an honour... serving with you... Finnley Jade Carter. I was lucky to know you. And wherever you may be... I'll be watching you... Keep that in mind..." he said smiling and crying at the same time. He gently stroke her pale face and wiped her tears away. Finnley closed her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath.

_Holding my last breath_

_Safe inside myself_

_Are all my thoughts of you_

_Sweet raptured light _

_It ends here tonight..._

__

"And I promise, "Charlie went on, "we'll meet again. Somewhere out there. In any universe. Someday. You will find me..."

"I'll remember you... Forever." she finally said.

_I'll miss the winter_

_A world of fragile things_

_Look for me in the white forest_

_Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)_

With all of the strength that was left, he pulled her closer to him and looked into her eyes again, as if it would ease the physical and emotional pain. Then he kissed her tenderly on her lips. The bittersweet salty taste of her tears.

__

_I know you hear me_

_I can taste it in your tears..._

__

It was an innocent kiss-goodbye, a last sign of life from Charlie, a last farewell, another memory to keep safe in her heart.

As the kiss ended, he looked at her one last time.

_Don't leave me... _she thought_, don't leave me... I need you... I love you._

Her lips formed the words and he understood.

_Holding my last breath_

_Safe inside myself_

_Are all my thoughts of you_

_Sweet raptured light _

_It ends here tonight...._

Once more, he pressed her hand and smiled, before his heart stopped beating and he closed his eyes forever. Finnley still held his hand. He was dead.

Gone. No breath. Cold. Sorrow.

__

_Closing your eyes to disappear_

_You pray your dreams will leave you here_

_But still you wake and know the truth_

_No one's there_

__

"Charlie ? Charlie ! No, Charlie !" she whimpered desperately. And even if she knew she had to go now, she was unable to move.

"Don't go, Charlie ! Come back ! Come back ! Don't you dare leaving me here all alone !" she whispered, still crying. She closed her eyes. And suddenly, pictures of Charlie were running through her head. All those beautiful memories. Every moment they had shared, the good and the bad ones.

The day they had met for the very first time, him holding her the whole night, how he had been there when her parents had died, the nights they had talked away, every time he had saved her, the last goodbye, the kiss...

She felt as if she could not leave him until his last words echoed in her mind.

_I promise... We'll meet again..._

She opened her eyes and looked at him again. He was like a child, sleeping peacefully.

__

_Say goodnight_

_Don't be afraid_

_Calling me _

_Calling me _

_As you fade to black..._

__

"I'll never forget your promise... Hope you keep it..."

She took his dogtags, then kissed his hand she was still holding and let finally go of him.

--------

"Kill them !" Apophis ordered. His eyes glowed, his voice was angry.

"No, no, no !" O'Neill stopped them.

"If I was you, I'd start to pray to a real God right now !" he added.

"What are you talking about, Tau'ri ?" Apophis asked impatiently.

"What my husband wants to say is, that the whole SGC will explode in 20 seconds." Samantha explained grinning, then turned to O'Neill.

"You ready, love ?" he asked her with a calm voice.

"I'm afraid..." she replied.

"Don't be, I'm with you. And Finnley still has Charlie. Everything'll be OK." he said, not knowing how wrong he was.

O'Neill kissed her one last time and finally took her in his arms to hold her tight. Only a few more seconds and it would be over. Holding each other like this, praying and hoping that at least Finnley and Charlie would survive, they waited for their end.

Helpless. Tragedy. Silence. Death.

_Holding my last breath_

_Safe inside myself_

_Are all my thoughts of you_

_Sweet raptured light _

_It ends here tonight...._

__

--------

Jack was still waiting for her. He swallowed as she walked over to him. This girl had just lost everything. Her team, her sister, her best friend. Her whole reality. And she still had the will to carry on.

Unbelievable. Amazing. Sad.

Sam, Daniel and Teal'c had already gone through the mirror and were now waiting for them to come. Daniel gave them a sign that there was not much time left and that they had to go through immediately.

"You ready ?" Jack asked carefully. Finnley nodded.

"So let's go..." he added.

As they arrived in the other reality, Finnley kept on staring at the mirror. Her world, her life, everything she had ever known would be gone in a few seconds.

"Ten... nine... eight..." Daniel was counting down.

Her whole life happened in front of her eyes. She still heard their voices, their laughter. An endless stream of memories...

"Four... three... two... Shut it down !" Daniel ordered and Teal'c deactivated the mirror.

"It ends here tonight." Finnley whispered before she broke down in tears.


	6. My Immortal

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG-1 or its characters. I used two songs in this chapter:

- "My Immortal" by Evanescence

- "Yours Forever" by John Mellencamp

_**Chapter Six:**_

_**My Immortal**_

Finnley was sitting on the cold floor in her quarters. The light was turned off so it was completely dark in her room. Leaning against the wall, she stared into nothing, holding Charlie's dogtags in her hands. She grieved, needed time to get through this.

No, this would take more than time...

_Charlie. I miss you Charlie. And I miss Sam and Jack. And Daniel and Teal'c. Mom, Dad and Marc... You're all gone. Why did you leave me ? All of you... This is not fair... I have to live with it... The loss... Why can't I just forget and start a whole new life ? Memories are a curse...  
  
_

__

__

_I'm so tried of being here  
__Suppressed by all my childish fears  
__And if you have to leave  
__I wish that you would just leave  
__Your presence still lingers here  
__And it won't leave me alone...  
  
_

Suddenly, someone knocked at the door. She did not react, just kept on staring. Too tired she was... She had not spoken a word since the events in her reality.

"Finnley ? It's me, Jack..." he paused. No answer.

"Can I come in ?" he asked. Still no reaction.

"I enter, OK ? Just... say something if you mind..." but she did not say anything, so Jack entered the room and was blinded by the darkness Finnley was living in.

"Whoa ! It's dark in here... Should turn on the light." he suggested.

"May I turn it on ?" he asked carefully.

But Finnley remained silent. Jack turned on the little lamp standing on a table next to her bed. As the light filled the room, Jack could see, that she was lost in her grieving. He looked around and caught sight of a couple of creased, old photos hanging on the wall over Finnley's bed. One showed her with SG-1 and Charlie Kawalsky, another one with her parents, her brother and Sam. She must have carried them with her wherever she had gone because they looked like being through hell and back.

Finnley did not care about Jack being there. She did not even whimper or something. Nothing.

"What are you doing here all the time ? I mean... you sit here 24 hours a day without saying anything. I... I know that this is very hard for you. But believe me, this... won't help in any way." Jack eventually came to the point.

"Hiding." she suddenly whispered.

"What ?"

"That's what I do the whole day. I'm hiding in the darkness."

"What are you hiding from ?"

"Reality. Life."

"Why ?"

"I'm afraid this is gonna happen all over again." she returned.

"Oh, I get it..."

"And... Charlie... he's gone..."

"I know."

"What now without him ? He... was he was my closest friend on Earth. I can't believe I'm never gonna see him again. It hurts. Who's gonna save me now if not Charlie ?" she said with a trembling voice.

"I know... I feel you."

"You do ? How could you ?"

"Hey, don't go too far. I know you've been through a lot of pain, but Charlie was my friend, too."

"He died... in my arms."

"And I saw him dying twice... Three times if you count that gamekeeper thing. And don't think I'm gettin' used to it... I hate it. We had to kill him... And that was the worst thing I ever had to do." he said roughly.

Finnley opened her hands and looked at the tags she was holding. A tear fell down on them, and there were more to follow. She had another break down. She screamed, her voice breaking.

"God... They're dead !"

Jack did not know what to do. What do you tell someone who has to live with the loss of everyone she had ever known ? He kneeled down in front of her and took her in his arms. That was all he could do. Nothing more. Suddenly she whispered something into his ear.

"Does it stop ? The pain I mean..."

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
__This pain is just too real  
__There's just too much that time cannot erase..._

"Oh yeah... It gets better..." Jack replied with a calm voice.

"How do you know ?"

"You know what happened to my son, don't ya ?"

"Yes."

"Well..., life's a bitch, you know. And sometimes terrible, horrible things happen. But they're easier to take if you accept them. I live with my son's death. And I'm OK."

Finnley was deeply touched by his words and she started to accept what had happened. It would be a long, tough process of healing until this life is worth living again. But somehow she knew everything would be OK.

"Thank you." she said as she looked at him again.

Jack nodded and got up. He went towards the door and turned around one more time.

"Hey... Um... if you wanna come out of your depressing darkness here... You're always welcome at my place or Sam's or Daniel's or even Tealc's." he suggested. 

"I'll take that under consideration." she answered with a slight smile as he left the room and closed the door behind him.

__

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
__When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
__I held your hand through all of these years  
__But you still have all of me..._

  
---------

  
Later that evening...

Teal'c was sitting in the middle of his room, surrounded by white candles, meditating, as the door opened silently.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow and saw Finnley standing in front of him.

"Hey... Teal'c. I'm sorry to interrupt you... I take it you're doing that kel-no-reem thing...?" she asked hesitatingly.

"That is right." he answered.

"Um... I can come back later..."

"You may stay, Finnley Carter. What are you here for ?" he demanded.

"I... it's because... How does a warrior like you handle those things... I mean... what happened to me...?"

"You are searching for peace." Finnley nodded.

"I see."

"Can you help me ?" Teal'c lowered his head and nodded.

"Alright... so... what do I have to do ?" she asked.

"Sit down opposite."

She followed his orders and sat down. Teal'c looked at her as if he could read her mind. That somehow scared her a little but not too much.

"You are angry. And you cannot understand why your people had to be killed." Teal'c remarked.

"Of course I can't. I mean... I don't see a reason why this had to be..."

"In time, you will get over it."

"But as long as I've got these memories of them... How can it not hurt ? Every thought of them is filled with so much sorrow."

"You are suppressing your memories."

"They're killing me, Teal'c. It's easier with Sam or Jack or the others, cos you're all here... And that helps a lot. I can't really miss 'em because you are here. But Charlie... Who can take his place ? Who'll know me like no one else does ? He was the moon that lightened the night, the sun that warmed my cold winter day, the air I breathed. There's no second without Charlie in my sick mind. He's talking to me in my dreams and when I'm awake. He just doesn't let me rest in peace..."

_  
You used to captivate me  
__By your resonating light  
__Now I'm bound by  
__The life you left behind  
__Your face it haunts  
__My once pleasant dreams  
__Your voice it chased away  
__All the sanity in me...  
  
_

"I know he's dead, but I can't..."

"You do not want it to be true."

"No."

"As long as you wish he would come back, he will never leave you alone. And he cannot find his peace either... Nobody could ever take his place. He was unique, like all of us. But here are so many people who want help you, who like you and who could become your friends. All of us will help you through this, Finnley Carter."

__

_  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
__But though you're still with me  
__I've been alone all along...  
_

__

"I may not know what Major Kawalsky meant to you, but I know what it feels like to lose someone."

"Then you know how hard it is..."

"Look, Finnley Carter, to lose your loved ones is like a deep wound. It hurts terribly at the beginning. And you think it would never stop bleeding. But soon you will realize that time eases the pain and your wound can heal. Of course, something of it is still left. A scar that reminds you of that wound whenever you look into the mirror. But scars usually do not hurt... And someday, it will be the same with Major Kawalsky's death. You will accept it, time will help you to get through it. And then, one day, you will wake up and only have those wonderful memories of them. You will remember Charles Kawalsky as he was before this tragedy. Then you will have found a place, where no one can tear you apart." Teal'c said smiling.

Finnley had hardly seen Teal'c smiling, nor had she ever heard him talking like this. His words sounded wise and true. This was what she had needed.

  
---------

__

_  
One year later..._

__

_Here we are in the grays of winter,  
Here we are just me and you,  
Hold my hand,  
Lets face tomorrow,  
Tomorrow still holds out its hands to you_

__

Finnley Jade Carter walked through the cold winter snow, over to the cherry-tree in their garden. The wind was gently blowing through her black hair, which was now much shorter than before, and a single tear that was running down her cheek sparkled in the light of the setting sun. She lay down four white roses, one for every member of SG-1 and one red rose for Charlie.

__

_  
This precious time we've only borrowed,  
The autumn winds have blown on through,  
A quiet thought will tell our story,  
Tomorrow still holds out its hands to you  
Yes tomorrow still holds out its hands to you  
  
_

__

One year had passed since the events in her reality, that had claimed the lives of her sister Samantha and her husband, Jack O'Neill, Daniel Jackson and Teal'c - her friends in need and team colleagues, and of course Charlie, her soul mate. She missed them all, especially Charlie because there was no alternate version of him existing in this universe. But it was exactly the way Teal'c had predicted it: Her wounds had healed over and her scars did not hurt. Only sometimes, when she missed Charlie extremely. But then she talked to Jack, Sam, Teal'c or Daniel. Like this, she kept her memory alive.

Jack and Sam O'Neill were standing on their terrace, watching Finnley who now lived with them. To Sam, she was like a real sister and she would never allow anyone to take her away from her. Finnley now belonged to her life - as well as Jack.

Back then, there had been several discussions concerning their relationship but ultimately, Finnley should be right. General Hammond had talked to the president who actually had to laugh about this whole thing.

"Considering the fact that Colonel Jack O'Neill and Major Samantha Carter saved the world already a several times and risked their lives for the United States of America, I don't see any reason why I should court-martial them because of something so wonderful like falling in love."

In the meantime, Finnley had become a full member of SG-1, finished college with distinction and went now to the Air Force academy. She had also made Jacob Carter's acquaintance. Exactly like Sam and Jack, he had liked her from the first moment on.

__

_Here some wings,  
There yours forever,  
And heres some dreams,  
That will come true,  
Take these tears, to wash away your sorrows  
Tomorrow still holds out its hands to you_

Finnley slowly turned her back on the tree and wiped away the tear. She was following Teal'c's advice and tried just to remember the good times she'd had with Charlie, her family and friends. But she also looked to the future that was waiting for her in this world. She saw the happy faces of Sam and Jack and then she knew, that she would always be loved in this reality...

__

_  
Yes tomorrow still holds out its hands to you  
Yes tomorrow still holds out its hands to you...  
_

__

_**  
  
To Be Continued...**_

****


End file.
